When it doesn’t feel the same.

When it doesn’t feel the same. The day that we get to celebrate the mama’s. For me it all changed the day my baby girl and Jac found out that they were unable to have a baby. My heart. Everything I thought would. See my baby girl pregnant and all the joy that comes with it. The excitement when she got that positive pregnancy test. Hearing his or her heartbeat. Her first ultrasound. Seeing her with a sweet belly. Feeling a kick. Watching her go through the fun and not so fun of pregnancy. Becoming a Gigi. To hold my baby’s baby. It will never be. It hurts. Seeing her on today. It cuts deep. I know her heart. I know she would be one amazing mama. But today. I realize that God doesn’t have that chapter written for her and Jac. And that’s the most beautiful part. His story. His chapters. For her and Jac. They are just different than we all hoped for them. And I know. It’s ok to feel the feels.

But God. He has my baby girl and Jac. He knows. He prepares. He guides. He leads. He covers them. It’s not about what they thought would be. What I thought would be. What our family thought would be. What others thought would be. It’s His plan. His purpose for their life. And He gives me the most perfect answer for it all. “I got this, My will. Not yours.” It’s not what we plan. It’s all His plan. That beautiful peace rushed over me. Nothing I could ever explain. God. Our God is so good.

So instead of being disappointed, sad and angry about what could have been. Or what could be. I praise Him. My baby girl and Jac praise Him. They know. We know. He is all we need.

So today. I share my baby girl’s story. Her and our Jacob’s story. Because it’s beautiful…

As most women I have always dreamed of being a Mom. Getting to do all the fun things that come with announcing, celebrating, and the new beginnings. I had always dreamed of getting married young and having kids young. My mom did it and knowing the type of relationship we have I wanted that for myself. I met the love of my life at 17. High School sweethearts from rival schools. I knew that he was the one. At the age of 19 we got married and immediately started trying. We thought it would be a piece of cake getting pregnant. But month after month the negative test came. 18 months. 18 Negative test. I knew it was time for me and my husband to get checked out. After a year and a half of dealing with infertility behind closed doors we got the call. The call that no couple wants to hear. We would never be pregnant. All those dreams of being pregnant and having kids went down the drain. The sadness that I felt for the thing that I lost was unbelievable. But the calm I felt after a few days could only be explained by one thing. God knew what he was doing and that he had a much bigger plan for Jacob and I. We are at almost 6 years of infertility. And each year it never gets easier. Each Mother’s day comes and I allow myself a moment to feel sorry for us but then I get to be happy and celebrate the women that God placed in my life that are amazing moms. I have been blessed with sisters who gave me nephews, friends who gave me godsons. And I have the best women in the world that I get to call mom. And for that I will always be grateful for this life God gave me.

I share this for the mama’s who pray for a little one. Who lost their little one. Who just want a little one to hold. That struggle each day with wanting so badly to be a mama. I see you. I pray for you. I think of you. I honor you. I want you to know. He has got you. In the palm of his hand. Your beautiful chapter is being written. In this perfect season. It may look different from everyone else’s. But it is truly a beautiful one.

And sweet mama no matter what season. Share your story. Because someone out there needs to see they are not alone.

For Every Women. Every Story. Every Season. YOU ARE LOVED.

To my baby girl. I love you. I am so proud of you and the women you have become. You are one stunning and amazing soul. I love seeing your story being written. Your grace, strength, beauty, love and resiliance shine through you. Gah, I adore you. I love your and Jac’s story. It’s pretty stinkin amazing and so beautiful. You are walking in God’s purpose and it’s absolutely perfect. Keep running towards His calling on your life. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you and Jacob. The best is yet to come. I love you both so stinkin much. Never forget it.

Always remember… You are…

Amazing. Beautiful. Loved. Enough. Flippin phenomenal.

xoxo,

Jaime